


Fascination

by PinkFeline



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Dark, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:45:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkFeline/pseuds/PinkFeline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a fascination nurtured by a forced proximity that should never have been. Can you blame me for being fascinated Ryuuzaki-san?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fascination

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a written piece of fanfiction - I do not own the characters and this should not be taken as canon.

**Fascination**

It was a fascination that had taken root deep in my subconscious, nurtured by a forced proximity that should never have been. To see one of the most mysterious creatures to exist on earth, heard but never seen. A rare breed who's very existence depends on its anonymity. To have a chance toobserve such a creature as you...

Can you blame me Ryuuzaki-san?

Can you blame me for being fascinated?

You do not protest when I lean over you and I can read your expression as clear as day. I have been watching you Ryuuzaki-san, observing the way you act and move.I have learned to distinguish your moodsand expressions - once a singular mask now revealed to be a thousand different faces. Yet, I am aware I have not learned them all.

I have listened to you drone on and on, theories and accusations. Always the same. Always the same, Ryuuzaki-san and I have come to yearn for more. You are fascinating, but I fear that I am learning all there is to know about you. You appear to be such a complex creature to the naked eye, so mysterious and guarded.

But...

There is not much to know about you, is there L?

Your work and nothing more is what defines your existence. You are nothing but a name, a letter on a screen.

We humans require emotions to give us depth and I fear it is this that you lack. You have suffered little emotion or human interaction and it has robbed you of depth. If you lack depth Ryuuzaki then you are nothing but a brilliant doll and my fascination with you is sadly misplaced.

Can you blame me, Ryuuzaki-san?

Can you blame me for wanting to know whether you are indeed human?

You watch me and I find nothing in your eyes, nothing but the glassy depth of iris and pupil. Are you as empty as your eyes would suggest?

I want to know.

I want to find out, so I let my hand drift to your face.

I almost expect it ot be hard and cold - carved impersonal marble.

But there is heat beneath your skin, soft and clean against my fingers. I run my fingers over the raised ridges of your brow and down to high cheekbones. Your eyes do not leave my face, you are calm.

Composed.

Your nose is exquisite did you know?

The bridge narrow, the tip smooth and sharp. Perfect.

I let my fingers trace down the sharp angles of your jaw, the narrow pointed chin and up towards you lips. Your lips are a thin and pale as the rest of you, lips that would so often open to throw veiled insult and accusations my way. I have watched your mouth time and again as you insisted on filling it with sweet confection.

I admit, Ryuuzaki-san, that I have often wondered if your lips are as sweet as the items you eat.

You are watching me still.

You are calm.

I'll indulge myself then.

Your lips part in surprise when I run my tongue over them. you can't blame me for taking advantage of the opportunity you have presented me with. So I let me tongue slip into your mouth, but I watch you as surely as you are watching me.

Your eyes are a fraction wider.

You are surprised?

The kiss is brief. I have my answer now. Your lips are not sweet at all Ryuuzaki-san, but it is delicious and warm. You really shouldn't try and taint that taste with sugar, shouldn't taint it with the accusations you take such joy in making.

Your gaze is more intent now. Are you really that surprised? Did you not see that this was inevitable in coming?

Nevermind.

I have already had chance to explore your face Ryuuzaki. When I wake it is the first thing I see, hanging like the pale moon in the early hours of the morning. Your face is the last image I see when I settle for what few hours of rest you decide I have earned.

Your face tells me nothing.

Is my fascination misplaced Ryuuzaki-san?

I must know.

You can't blame me.

From you lips, I let my fingertips drift down to the contours of your throat, over the prominence of your adam's apple and down to the hollow. The steady rhythm of your pulse plays beneath my fingers, proof that you do possess a heart, but it does not give me the answer I am looking for.

There is a lightness to your breath now that was absent before, but your face remains unchanged.

Calm.

I press my lips to the hollow of your throat, only a soft touch, a little nip. The hard ridges of your collarbone are clearly visible and I take the chance to trace them as well. I feel the muscles shift beneath the skin and when I look at your face I find that you are no longer watching.

Your head is tilted back, head turned away and your body tense. I can not see your eyes, a simple fact that defeats the purpose for my doing this. I lean back and watch as your eyes turn back towards mine. There is something new in your eyes Ryuuzaki-san, but it is so faint that I fear it is nothing but my imagination.

I have seen this much before, all that I have touched so far has been revealed to all those who had the privilege to meet you face to face.

I have yet to understand why you are so fascinating.

You, Ryuuzaki-san, are nothing but dull. You eat sweet confections, bite your thumb and sit with an awkwardness that is painful to consider. You come up with creative and ingenious plans and put them into action – you possess an incredible mind.

But that is all.

What else is there?

Your arms lay passively at your sides. You are not even attempting to stop me, and so I will continue indulging myself. Your wrists come together easily, thin enough that I need only one hand to keep them above your head.

There is something in your eyes now Ryuuzaki-san, and I have only to learn more of it to give it a name. Your breathing is shallow and picking up speed.

Are you scared?

No.

Apprehensive maybe?

I will know soon enough.

Your loose shirt is easy enough to pull up, and I do so slowly. You see Ryuuzaki, I want to hold on to this fascination for as long as possible. Who knows how long it will last and so I savour it.

You chest is bare for my eyes to see, but there is nothing unusual or attractive about it. The gentle lines of your ribs can be seen, your hip bones equally as prominent as it leads further down. There is nothing soft about you, only sharp and prominent lines.

You shudder when my hands travel down the centre of your chest to your navel, my fingers circling the small feature before lightly brushing below it where the beginnings of a trail lead down to the area between your legs.

I repeat the motion and you shudder yet again, face once more turned away from mine. As I continue stroking your chest, I feel the muscle ripple beneath my wandering hand, and I find myself fascinated by the sight. This is something of what I am looking for Ryuuzaki-san, but not quite.

Your nipples have hardened I find it hard to resist. Do you find my touch pleasurable Ryuuzaki-san, or do you shudder out of fear and revulsion?

I am tempted.

But you can't blame me.

Besides you are not watching, so I'll continue to indulge myself.

I keep my touch gentle when I take the nub between my fingers, but even so I hear you breath in sharply. Such a strange effect a touch can cause when applied to certain parts of the body, under certain circumstances. Your response was beautiful and I yearn to see it again.

You shift restlessly as I continue to rub as the sensitive skin, around the nub and over it. I have never heard the breathless noises you make, never seen the almost vulnerable expression that graces your face now.

This is what I was looking for Ryuuzaki-san, but it is not enough.

I want to push you to the edge L, to the point that I will never doubt that you are anything but human.

Knowledge is power, and I want full knowledge of you.

So I will continue to learn as much as I can.

Your body is the key to discovering your mind, and I will continue to play it until there is nothing left to learn.

You can't blame me, Ryuuzaki-san.

You can't blame me for wanting to know.

I lean down and brush my lips against the pale pink nub, letting my tongue lash out at it. I am well aware of the violent shudder that takes you, of the way your hips jerked at the sensation. Your mouth is open now, your breath audible in the silence of the early morn.

I pull back.

I need to see your face Ryuuzaki, I need to see your eyes. Is there a reason why you are so intent on hiding them from me? You usually take such pleasure in staring me down, so why the sudden shyness?

When I make no further advances you turn to me at last. Your face is no longer the cold white of marble, instead it is flushed and heated with blood. It is clear to see even in the dark. I have never seen this before.

You are not beautiful Ryuuzaki.

You are too thin, your limbs too long and sharp.

But beauty is over-rated.

None the less I find myself captivated by your pleasure.

Your eyes are no longer as clear as they should have been.

But they are calm.

No matter, I am not finished with you yet.

I am still holding your arms above your head, pinned to the mattress below, and yet you have made no move to fight me. You are vulnerable in such a position Ryuuzaki. Do you trust me to such an extent when you are intent in proving me to be a merciless killer?

Or do you simply not care?

While I find myself captivated by your pleasure; it will not give me the answer I yearn for. Your body is but the means of obtaining it.

It is your eyes that will answer.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look.

You are confused by my request. You do not understand why I am doing this, do you? You are not fighting me however, so I will not stop.

I take a moment to watch your diaphragm move as you take shallow breaths. The human body truly is a strange and marvellous structure.

My hands drift to your abdomen and along the trail of hair, until I reach the edge of your jeans. Your eyes are wide as they watch me, your eyes following the path of my hand.

You are shaking.

From fear?

No.

There is no fear in your eyes, but this is unfamiliar to you isn't it? I know you are not naïve, but I think also that you are inexperienced.

This is something that each of us much learn. Knowledge without experience is incomplete. It is but one half of the puzzle, only the surface of what lies much deeper.

I can see the effect that my touch has had on you, in your eyes and in the prominent curve between your legs.

I have no trouble at all undoing the button and pulling down the zip of your jeans. Like the shirt, it proves to be easy to remove. I have no choice but to let your arms go as I drag the material down your legs.

You do not move away, nor do you struggle.

So I continue unhindered.

Like the rest of you, your legs prove to be thin and the hair sparse. There is muscle on these bones though, the hard curve of your calves and thighs that are well toned.

It is interesting to note Ryuuzaki that I have never looked at another man's body before and felt the way I do now. You are a man Ryuuzaki, but you're body is as inviting as a woman's.

You are still watching.

Good.

I reach for your boxers and notice that your eyes close in apprehension.

Yes, I have recognised that quality in your eyes.

You are so used to being considered a machine, an unobtainable soul that stood apart from all others. You do not know how to handle a situation as intimate at this, because this was never meant to happen.

You can't blame me Ryuuzaki.

You are the one that chained me to you.

Neither of us could have known what it would lead to.

You're body reveals your excitement and it stands proudly from the black nest between your legs. I have found no true fault in your body yet Ryuuzaki, and I still have yet to find it. I turn to watch your face as my hand closes over your heated flesh. The cry that escapes you is exquisite, a sound I never would have thought to hear you make and yearn to hear more of.

Your hands have lowered back to your side and clench against the sheets.

You are beautiful Ryuuzaki.

In pleasure, you truly are magnificent.

But it is not enough.

You still maintain a certain control, but I will break it Ryuuzaki.

I have never done this to another, but I am not without knowledge, and so digging into what experiences I have had I take your flesh in my mouth.

Yes, Ryuuzaki.

Your voice sings of pleasure, the sound of it is a thousand times better than any words you have willingly uttered.

You are losing control.

You can't hide it.

When your eyes find mine I am at a loss for words.

In that instant, before your pleasure blinds you, I catch a glimpse into the depths of your eyes, into the secrets hidden there.

I swallow what I can of your essence before pulling away. I can see that your body is tired, exhausted. Your eyes are closed and soon enough I see you drift into sleep.

I watch you sleeping for some time, L. Seated at your side I can do nothing but watch. You can't hear me, but I will admit that I am…

Disappointed.

You may have been human once, L. But you are no longer.

Your eyes had been empty.

You are nothing but an empty puppet.

You are nothing.

It is a hollow discovery.

I stand and move away from your sleeping form. I was right then, there is nothing under the surface that is L.

You have ceased to fascinate me.

I cannot stop the regretful sigh that passes my lips.

You will be dead soon L.

And I will not mourn your passing, because after all…

You are already dead inside.

I am not to blame.

**Author's Note:**

> Yea so this is an old fic I wrote years ago and posted on fanfiction.net. People seemed to like it (and some did not) so I tried fixing up some mistakes people pointed out and decided to post it here. This was my first attempt at a first person p.o.v as well as the first time I wrote anything sexual in nature. Also, I stress that this is a POV from a character - so, I'm trying to give insight as to how the character perceives something, which doesn't always match up to the reality. Just saying.


End file.
